Identity Theft

While driving down the road for supplies, my wife and I were talking, as we often do, and she mentioned something that struck me as wrong. She said, "People always say once you become a mother you lose your identity." I contemplated this premise for awhile, trying to understand the basis for the concept. A couple of days later I called attention to the statement made. I said, "I understand that things change in a man and a woman when they become parents, so much so that it seems their identity is warped into their role in the family - their identity must die that their role may be filled." But I disagree with this conclusion of events. My wife and I are very different people from the young couple who took their vows a few years ago, but did a change of life events result in the death of what was? No.

When a man and a woman, two separate entities, enter into a covenant relationship before and with God, they begin to make the transition from being two to being one flesh (a single, cohesive unit in mind, body and spirit). The former does not die; it develops. A caterpillar does not die when it goes into its chrysalis; it changes and develops that its purpose may be fulfilled. Many today wish to remain separate yet joined together as with a band. Well that's kind of like gluing wings on a caterpillar. It looks awfully funny and it can't hope to fly. You need the change, the growth and development to fulfill your purpose and it must start with marriage when you start to become a single unit. Having children is yet another stage of development designed not to kill and replace that which is, but to enhance, grow and develop you that you may fulfill your purpose.

When you have children, they look to you for the example of how to operate as a single unit. Your values, conversations, habits, strengths and frailties forge the character image of this single entity designed to grow and develop as you have. But when certain elements are missing the wrong image is forged. When you see brokenness in the home, you'll have brokenness in the character. If children cannot see man and woman operating as one flesh, they will lack the concept and will likely never grow beyond self and reach their full potential, which is a binary, multifaceted being able to reproduce in a singularity the express image of their complexity.

I may be rambling at this point and probably lost you long ago, so I'll leave it at this. Marriage and children are events in one's life designed to develop one's personality and character, not destroy it.

Husband Speaking